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Thursday, January 12, 2012

Bigger Picture Moments: Hopefully

He did it again this morning.

He wouldn’t listen.

He wouldn’t get dressed after asking FIVE times.

He whined, and he cried that he had nothing to wear.

Then it was time…

Time to “lay the smack down.” {not literally}

Time to set some limits and create some consequences.

“If you can’t do it yourself then I’ll pick,” said B2.

Tears. Lots. of. Tears.

Mumbling through tears about looking silly in that shirt and he wants his red one.

“Too late,” we say.

I rush to work leaving B2 with a car full of unhappy boys. Himself included.

And it breaks my heart.

I know there need to be consequences. I know we need to set limits, but all I want is to make him happy.

B2 says he will learn and then it will be on to something else.

But are we ruining him? That’s my question.

Does he feel loved enough even when he’s being punished?

I don’t know, but I remind him {or try to}.

I know it’s for the greater good that I’m raising a boy who will eventually {probably at the age of 26} be self-sufficient.

And he will say “Remember all those days I couldn’t figure out what to wear and you picked for me…that was turning point…that’s when I knew I needed to make my own choices or someone would make them for me.”

Hopefully, he will look at it like that. Hopefully…

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At January 12, 2012 , Blogger The Bowers Bunch said...

Love this Brook! I go through these moments daily with Miss diva Harper... are you ruining him?? Absolutely not! I'd say you'd be ruining him if you gave in every single time and gave him his way with absolutely no consequences. Even though it's not fun, it's our job as parents to give tough love, teach those lessons through the tears. In the end his future partner will thank you for grooming a young man who is able to make his own choices and decisions in a timely fashion. You're doing a great job! :)

At January 12, 2012 , Blogger Hyacynth said...

Yes, those moments are so stinkin' tough. But there does have to be limits and consequences for actions, like you said. And someday he will, indeed, get it. Someday. :) xo

At January 12, 2012 , Anonymous Erin said...

The fact that you worry and second guess yourself means that you're doing a good job. It's going to work out. :)

At January 12, 2012 , Blogger Polish Mama on the Prairie said...

It gets easier. It really does. And then it's on to something else, like you said. Take heart in knowing that if you don't set limits, he will be unprepared for the real world. You sound like a wonderful mother.

At January 12, 2012 , Anonymous Emily said...

I love this. All of us mommies know there will always be something else for them to move on to, but it doesn't make the here and now any easier! Your last line is so good, I want to hear that someday too from my boys. And I want it to be because they chose to. P.S. I love your polka dot background!

At January 12, 2012 , Blogger Gem said...

He knows you love him of course he does but there has to be boundaries. I always had boundaries growing up, that doesn't mean I was happy with them or that I liked them but I knew what they were, and being given the cvhoice now I would still keep them in place, I knew where I stood and it has made me the person I am today.
It is always hard seeing children upset but just know that in the long run it is for his own good and yours :)
Big hugs x x x x x

At January 12, 2012 , Blogger Melissa said...

Oh he knows you love him because you set limits. If you didn't care you wouldn't set limits, you would let him do what he wants and run like a wild banshee.

Also, it does get easier.

At January 12, 2012 , Blogger May said...

Someday he will be a teenager and you will be very thankful that you have laid a groundwork of appropriate limits, consequences and expectations.

At January 14, 2012 , Blogger Lenae said...

I have this internal struggle too! It's so difficult, but I don't think we give enough weight to how hard we're trying. Our effort matters; our love matters. As cheesy as it may sound, I really believe that even though we'll err from time to time in how we guide our children, our love will come through at the end.


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